The problem with "manpain" as a device is its way of objectifying the woman whose suffering/death/etc. seemingly justifies the male character's maladaptive, melodramatic reaction. I agree, when it's already been used in the background of a comic-book superhero, it can't be retconned in any acceptable way. But it remains totally unconvincing as a literary device and wide open to charges of misogyny that are in no way justified by the audience being immature males.
I don't think, most of the Comics are being read for their literary quality or clever use of plot devices. Sure there are some, but most are just simple fun. That does not mean, we can't critizise them.
I don't understand, how the death of the girlfriend is objectifying her. Is it because she cannot act anymore? Is Spiderman's uncle then objectified as well? I don't know, how it was introduced in the story, but I would say, the story simply is about his adventures, she is just a backdrop. Just as is uncle Ben. They are not essential to the story. I guess, he had to have some motivation. Might not be very clever or original, but seems better than just saying "and oh by the way here is the superhero and these are his adventures". I feel not every character needs to be well developped, especially when it is not central to the action. Unless of course he spends his whole time finding the perpetrators than hopefully she has some backstory, otherwise who would care for that motivation.
I find it interesting how so many of the comic book heroes get a twist on recent TV series regarding the "Girlfriend who must never find out I'm a superhero" theme that was always so prevalent. It seems as though they've finally accepted that the "She's a tender flower who must be protected from this knowledge at all costs" is BS, and that it's safe to acknowledge the female as a) not totally blind and stupid, b ) capable of handling it, and c ) just as able to defend herself as the Hero's Wimpish Best Friend, the one who's known for years.
Putting someone in danger by not telling them, to supposedly protect them, is always a stupid thing in stories, no matter the gender. Have never counted though, how many girlfriends there are compared to other people in their lives. I think another reason might be though, that they fear, they might try to convince them to stop.
