I've finished CP right there in December. I've accidentally offed ourselves. (Was tipsy at the time of playing and I was trying to click it through hoping I would keep Johnny at my side). I was actually shocked for a few days. Wanted to play again, but could not bring myself to it. To top it off, I've somehow managed to turn off cloud saving and when I've moved my stuff to another OS, I've realized I gonked my save files. So I've had to start again. It took me four months to get into it, I basically sacrificed a week to get to that ending, playing like a fiend. I could not let it go in the end.
After I've finished I realized one thing, you could say it's CPAF, but before that, let's get that elephant out of the room: Yes, the game is still gonked, riddled with bugs, but you know what - guys tried to build a Tower of Babylon and they've actually almost pulled it off. It's pretty much still an achievement (and as I understand, they've already shot down few of their corpos for fckin up the launch like they did, CDPR has some Johnny left in blood).
It still came together, though. The mechanics, the lore, the city, graphics, voices, stories, the little bits here and there. Oh wait, what's that CPAF I mentioned? Through suspension of disbelief (brain puts the notion of fiction back into itself so you can enjoy the work of fiction at all) I was able to feel it, as bad as it might sound I did not feel so much emotional catharsis in years. When V and Johnny killed themselves, knowing they could either die together or there will be only one left standing, and that they could save people around them instead of storming 'Saka, I was devastated for their choice. When I've decided to live the rest of my life with fam, Panam and Judy, I knew there is a price - betraying Johnny and breaking my promise to him, but I wanted to give V a chance to die amongst the people that loved her so much. Then I need to see it through (another ending), so I gave my body to Johnny, knowing I will leave others behind and I cried like hell, I almost backed down, running away from that bridge only to come to it again, I've said goodbye to Johnny and left him with another chance at life.
Yeah, yeah, what about that CPAF thingy? Rationally, of course, I knew this is a fiction, emotionally I fricking lived it, I was scared to die, scared to give it up for Johnny, scared to leave him and have my own life. To an emotional state there is no difference in how it was stimulated - either through fiction or RL. Chemistry just clicks when it receives the signal. CP's story is so strong and convincing (and I am emotionally sensitive) that it blew the fuse and my emotions went in raw. You can simulate feelings of loss to learn how to deal with it in future, that's the CPAF.
Through these emotional states we can grow as people the same way the heroes of the story do without actually having to give up our bodies and friends. It' probably the sole function of Art in the human life and evolutionary course - it's meant to simulate the same way simple games do to make you... prepared, to learn. CP managed to do it in a spectacular way. Bugs aside - this piece of work has managed to promote itself into an Art. You can't take that away, it has established itself from day one.
For me though... there was a little more in it. The game made me think about my own state... oh boy, how to tell without explaining personal stuff... I have a disorder, judging by 20 years of latest research, it (in very rough terms) means that neurological system partly differs from rest of the body, going down to how I feel, how I perceive myself and the world around me.
Me being a techie and living with this thing, I kinda view ego, consciousness, the self as a product of the brain - your brain starts to deteriorate it's not the same person anymore (think of dementia and stuff). We really are the software and our bodies and brains are the hardware. Most of the person you are is already determined in the womb. I mean, if in a hundred years we scientifically acknowledge existence of souls, then yeah, count that into the equation, but right now, there are no souls, we are who we are, mostly consisting of an animal and a layer of human and only some can be attributed to in-life development (you mostly develop into what you are already capable of, it's like importing modules from your unconsciousness).
Now, the game has simply struck me with its story, because it so much resonates with my experience and worldview. You could say, I am the tapeworm, the Johnny that has overtook the hardware, because it went haywire. Yea, kind of, the person that should have exist in my place never even got the chance, died before being born, because the hardware is faulty a different self developed instead. I've learned to be grateful for the chance to exist, I've won even tighter lottery; and it is only thanks to CP, the emotions it has stirred within me, that I could realize it. Would I let this body heal were it possible? I mean truly heal - repair the brain and nerves. Fck no! I would then cease to exist. Poor gonk that was to be in my place, I never knew him, no need for sympathy.
Yea, a lot of material for an online forum, but I am also an artistic soul (ehm) and I am mostly able to communicate how I feel only in an exhibitionist way of blurting lyrics onto people, and my profile is still mostly anonymous, so that's that..... fck now I really feel like Johnny.
The takeaway? Take care of your brains, it's the key to your self. Without it as it is now, there would be someone else. They would claim it's them, they would think it, too - having access to all the memories and stuff. (Just go and research dissociative personality disorder, it's another piece of the puzzle - when alter of such person takes over, they usually go to "sleep", they don't 'member a thing, sounds familiar in a certain story?).
Oh yea... the endings! Top is the Star ending, V deserves a chance to live among people who love her so much and to come to peace in the meantime. Second runner is Temperance - why? Think of it - the whole ordeal of V is just a chapter in Johnny's life and vice versa. Johnny is the second protagonist of the game and this is his ending (and I mean Temperance through Panam choice). The third? Here comes surprise - the suicide one. Someone always dies, but this time, it's our heroes sacrificing themselves for others while staying together as two self aware people ( I know it has drawbacks - like the fact they offed themselves because they could not stand the fact someone is willing to risk their lives for them, for example). The Sun ending is fourth, I really didn't like it, shows little to none development for V, she is quickly dying, alone, facing impossible odds and... I don't know, maybe I am not into that cowboy stuff. The worst is of course 'Saka ending. Hate their guts, I loved Goro, but I didn't even play it (just watched yt), I can't stand the notion of Saburo replacing Yorinobu. And yea I was a corpo and I am IRL, that's exactly the reason why.
To recap, do I believe in exchange of selves, their degradation or upgrade in the course of time? Yes, totally. I was upgraded through emotions I have felt during CP's story. And - You can die in your body and someone else takes over without anyone ever knowing, including the gonk who took over. My experience led me to this, yes. Do I believe in souls? I'd like to or rather I like to believe that I believe in souls. Is this game a smash? Nah, Doom is smash. This game is an Art, a masterpiece to sit among the gods of genre and a true heir to them - conjoining virtual experience and Art into a cohesive braindance. Would I play it again? There wouldn't be the same emotional kick, so no, just as I don't like to sit through the fave movies and books I know. Would I recommend it? To a straight gamer, no, still has too many glitches. To someone with broader aspect? Certainly, if schools had mandatory playing (like mandatory reading), this one would be on the list, no negotiations.
Oh, the great reader, who have come this far in my text, I hope you will leave a comment, since you have already put so much time and effort. Stay true to the edge, choomba.
PS: Wanna experience your own CP? Buy the new rule set Cyberpunk Red. I am already playing with friends and it's a blast. CP endings have already given me a few ideas of what to do with my own plot.
