Gwent Decks of No Way!

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While considering something I could write to highlight certain seldom used cards for my Card of the Moment Thread, I got an idea playing off of DRK3's Deck of the Day. What if we tried to build the most horrible Gwent decks imaginable? Any deck can be played poorly -- these decks are to be impossible to play well. It might even be interesting to test them out by having your opponent play your deck and vice versa. The only rules are these:
  1. The decks must be legal to play
  2. The decks must have no more than 3 spare provisions (you can always add cards to use up "extra" provisions).

I would like to start with two submissions. Perhaps I will eventually create one such deck for every faction. In the meanwhile, feel free to post your own hideous decks. One thing I find interesting about my decks is that the junky four provision units are often amongst the best cards in the deck, while some Meta cards are absolutely worthless! Alas, I did not have the fortitude (or at least the time) to actually test them -- if you find any redeeming features I overlooked, please let me know.

BRICKHAVEN:

Faction: ST
Central Idea: Create as many worthless bricks as possible. For example, include Shupe's Day Off when the deck has duplicate cards, Include Novigradian Justice when there are no Dwarves, Include Call of the Forest with no ST units, Include Iorveth's Gambit but no traps, etc. Then finish the deck with the lowest playing value units one can find. Do you think Peasant militia is bad? A card playing for four likely points is the best this deck offers!

MILLIONAIRE:

Faction: SY
Central Ideas: First, generate lots of coins (mostly by low provision special cards that otherwise have no value), but include no spenders. Include the 13 most useless units possible. Then burn the remaining provisions with more useless special cards -- attempting to dilute the card pool to the point that that drawing units at all is a challenge.
Error in List: The stratagem should be Tiger's Eye, not Tactical Advantage. But I don't own that card to include it in the list. Forgive me for not crafting it just for this deck.
 

DRK3

Forum veteran
I can already think of two - seasonal - modes where these decks would have a shot:
Patience is a virtue and Switcheroo.

Playing those in standard, only if your opponent is doing the same, otherwise it would definitely not be fun.
 
I can already think of two - seasonal - modes where these decks would have a shot:
Patience is a virtue and Switcheroo.

Playing those in standard, only if your opponent is doing the same, otherwise it would definitely not be fun.
i thought the same thing, its not fun.

I just diidnt want to say it for 2 things.

The first to not hurt quintavarium feelings, since i like him,

The second to not "up" this thread
 
Can't really say I'm much a fan of this idea, it's already torturing enough if you're trying to play Memes and formerly popular and now outdated Archetypes against the current Meta Decks apart from that i need at least a somewhat satisfying strategy.

I guess the only Brick/terrible Cards Deck i could imagine me playing would be a Nilfgaard Spotter/ Ofiri Merchant copy Deck with the intention to replace as many of those Cards with good ones with the help of the put on top of your Deck Cards and Tactical Decision plus Damian and Letho.
 
I can already think of two - seasonal - modes where these decks would have a shot:
Patience is a virtue and Switcheroo.

Playing those in standard, only if your opponent is doing the same, otherwise it would definitely not be fun.
I agree, playing standard decks is not fun, but the thought exercise creating these decks actually is. One thing that surprised me is that truly bad decks are bad more because of horrible synergy than because of horrible cards. Most of the cards in both garbage decks I created are actually playable, and some are meta. Of course, the horrible synergy makes the decks even less fun to play.
 
It could be fun in a tournament where you have to make the less points possible.
It could be a fun seasonal rule, too (if discarding abuse can be dealt with).
 

DRK3

Forum veteran
Here's a deck i did for the last time patience is a virtue was the active seasonal mode.

It could be "improved", in the sense it could be made worse.
The roach and knickers are there to thin and "free" extra points, the other ones are the terrible picks.
But Saesenthessis blaze in particular wasnt so bad and whenever i got an oneiro in that mode, it would be my pick, so it should be replaced if i really wanted to make the worst deck possible :shrug:
PiaV Seasonal ST Deck - the Worst (1).jpg

PiaV Seasonal ST Deck - the Worst (2).jpg
 
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