Moral/Ethic Dillemma...

[Eri94_user70]

Moral/Ethic Dillemma...

I found myself in a strange... situation. Kinda reminds me of the quest with Dandelion and Succubus, but in real life this one. Well, i 've been offered the proposal to... partake into an extreme event of... art... artistic inspiration... that involves a married woman. Classic swingers case, that is. Problem is, i 've got a battle of consciousnesses as to if i should gladly accept or grudgingly decline. The Geralt inside me shouts: "Go for it by any means"! Especially since i am recently broken up, heartbroken, in pain by the actions of those who interfered into my late relationship and destroyed it and me, and single again.

By religion standards, it's sit that i should -as hell- avoid. Still, in real life, my religious beliefs are identical to those of Geralt in the Witcher universe. By my standards, if my late relationship wasn't a disaster of such a grand scale with such shocking and lasting aftereffects, i would never even consider doing such a thing. By society standards, especially my own's, not only it is considered ok, but also desirable, even if officially labelled as a taboo.

Problem is, will partying amorally wild like an animal solve my accumulated problems, or will it cause even more? I know i will enjoy my time, and i will strive to help the girl do the same with proper company too, but will it leave a bitter aftertaste in my mouth a while after, or not? Clearly i have never tried doing this before...

 

[Garrison72]

Yes.

 

[Cs__sz__r]

YOLO!

But in all seriousness and down to business.

Don't do it or do it due to religious reasons, recent heartache, or society.
If you want to do this then make the choice you would make without bias.

 

[Mataresa]

Well, I of course can't speak for your religious feelings or personal ethics, but if everyone involved including husband and wife is happy with it and wats to do it, I can see nothing wrong with it. Noone gets hurt and it should be a good experience. And even if you should discover that it is not for you for whatever reason, then you can still say stop or decide otherwise at any point.

The only thing that needs to be clear, that this is a physical thing and not get any emotional attachment due to your emotional recovery. I would say, you should know best, if you are ready for it. If you are still too connected to your ex, then maybe you are not ready.

 

[Eri94_user70]

Well, I of course can't speak for your religious feelings or personal ethics, but if everyone involved including husband and wife is happy with it and wats to do it, I can see nothing wrong with it. Noone gets hurt and it should be a good experience. And even if you should discover that it is not for you for whatever reason, then you can still say stop or decide otherwise at any point.

The only thing that needs to be clear, that this is a physical thing and not get any emotional attachment due to your emotional recovery. I would say, you should know best, if you are ready for it. If you are still too connected to your ex, then maybe you are not ready.

That is the most comforting/reassuring and complete/satisfactory answer i have ever received in a thread i have ever opened. Thanks for your effort.

Now to sum things up and make a decision... Since they both are ok (and invited), then it should be fine indeed. Also, it is true that experiences need to be tried out before adopting or rejecting them. Well, for the harmless or seemingly harmless ones, that is...

About my ex i know i won't see her ever again, even if both me and her wanted (circumstanced faqed up things with many people, since third party people got involved to begin with). However connected i may feel, there is no point avoiding or postponing the inevitable; jumping into the future.

Confusion thwarted, inhibitions undone, i see that it might actually be a new and refreshing experience as per say. The last small cloud that persists in the horizon, though, is that i cannot help but feel a bit shy about the whole thing... Someone else's married woman... Sometimes, i actually wonder if i am too good and considerate for my own good or wellbeing...

To close, thanks for the opinions expressed and the polite, considerate atmosphere. I was almost certain that this thread was gonna end in flammes, or full of sit. I am glad to have been completely wrong, as many times, over many things. It's a wonderful thing being able to maintain polite and serious conversation with other people, either online or not. Especially if the latter leads into solving problems or shedding light into other points of views.

 

[Dprelate]

You know how it feels when a relationship breaks down. so don't do anything that would make others feel the same. even if her husband currently feels alright about it, that doesn't mean his feelings will remain the same.

I'm not religious but know this:
Sometimes, somethings will get out of control.

 

[Mataresa]

That is the most comforting/reassuring and complete/satisfactory answer i have ever received in a thread i have ever opened. Thanks for your effort.

Haha, you make me blush. XD

Now to sum things up and make a decision... Since they both are ok (and invited), then it should be fine indeed. Also, it is true that experiences need to be tried out before adopting or rejecting them. Well, for the harmless or seemingly harmless ones, that is...

About my ex i know i won't see her ever again, even if both me and her wanted (circumstanced faqed up things with many people, since third party people got involved to begin with). However connected i may feel, there is no point avoiding or postponing the inevitable; jumping into the future.

Confusion thwarted, inhibitions undone, i see that it might actually be a new and refreshing experience as per say. The last small cloud that persists in the horizon, though, is that i cannot help but feel a bit shy about the whole thing... Someone else's married woman... Sometimes, i actually wonder if i am too good and considerate for my own good or wellbeing...

I don't think you are too considerate. Thinking about the possible consequences is a good thing. You should know, what you are getting into in advance. To point at Black Leopards answer, also be attentive at how they react. It might have been a good idea for them on paper, but maybe they are uncomfortable when it actually happens or even jealous. But as you are a considerate person, you will notice that without a problem and won't be selfish to their costs. But I don't want to make you overthink it. Be relaxed and be yourself. Your own personality that you have shown by worrying in advance will tell you, if everything is fine.

To close, thanks for the opinions expressed and the polite, considerate atmosphere. I was almost certain that this thread was gonna end in flammes, or full of sit. I am glad to have been completely wrong, as many times, over many things. It's a wonderful thing being able to maintain polite and serious conversation with other people, either online or not. Especially if the latter leads into solving problems or shedding light into other points of views.

Yes, I am always amazed how reasonable, constructive and polite we can discuss things here on the forum. I guess that is the main reason for being active here.

 

[Eri94_user70]

I'm not religious but know this:
Sometimes, somethings will get out of control.

Yes, indeed, that is true too. Many times, things do not go the way we want (despite having good intentions even). But a polite guest never asks for seconds, or intentionally exceeds his allowed stay. And i am not a stealer.

 

[Guest 2091327]

Based on what you write it seems like you are leaning towards Yes. Considering you were invited into this, the couple must be fine with it too. Maybe they have done this a lot, and 'get off' on it. Since you are just out of a bad breakup, this might be good for you. You're not really cheating on anybody. So I say go for it. If things get awkward or uncomfortable, you can always stop.

 

[wichat]

My humble opinion? Yes, do it... if you really want it and you're able to face it in the future. The moral is personal and nontransferable.
The frustration of a loss is a bad counselor but personaly, I have reached a point in my life that the question that generates more frustration to me is why I didn't do it when I had the chance?

The only way I know to not regret the things I do is to be completely convinced of why I do it and assume all possible consequences. Because the only moral I know is that it lies within me and with which I must live. So do what you want because you want to do it.

 

[Mataresa]

The frustration of a loss is a bad counselor but personaly, I have reached a point in my life that the question that generates more frustration to me is why I didn't do it when I had the chance?

May I ask, why you think it is too late? Are you referring to such sexual endevours, cause then I would see no reason, why it should be too late for that?

 

[wichat]

May I ask, why you think it is too late? Are you referring to such sexual endevours, cause then I would see no reason, why it should be too late for that?

Oh! Never is too late, but some times live places you in a crossroad with only one chance to chose the road you really want, not the wrong or right but yours. And not only on sexual terms. Later, life shows you that that little bit of doubt or firmness, shame or effrontery, hubris or fear, changed all. For better and for worse.

You can say if I didn't do it then I still do it now or tomorrow. Yes. But it would not be in that moment of my life in those circumstances. Every second is different and special and priceless and it never repeats...

 

[Guest 2091327]

If it happened to be a particular situation, then I can certainly concur. I've virtually faceslapped myself several times too. Maybe not particularly constructive, but those "What if?" thoughts can be.. torture. You know the drill, lying awake all night with every thought imaginable.

 

[William105.236]

I love that one can make a thread with a topic like this, and only get mature and well-meant replies. It really just explains how fantastic this forum is compared to so many others.

 

[wichat]

If it happened to be a particular situation, then I can certainly concur. I've virtually faceslapped myself several times too. Maybe not particularly constructive, but those "What if?" thoughts can be.. torture. You know the drill, lying awake all night with every thought imaginable.

My What if? is not just a question but a previous exercise of knowing myself. I don't conteplate a philosophical problem every desicion of my life, /> . It's just a process of emotional maturity which not all arrived at the same time in our lives, but life always offers us a surprise... or two

 

[gregski]

Hm. Personally I've been into a few edgy moral dilemmas lately. Oh, they all seemed so innocent, the "noone will get hurt" and "you can always say stop" type ones.

Wanna know how it all turned out? Quite a few people - including myself - are hurt, mindfucked, add to it a possibility of turning my whole life upside down. So I say - if you are asking this question here, if you are asking this question at all - that means that you have conscience and that means that you will get hurt eventually.

Think about it.

 

[vivaxardas2015]

Hm. Personally I've been into a few edgy moral dilemmas lately. Oh, they all seemed so innocent, the "noone will get hurt" and "you can always say stop" type ones.

Wanna know how it all turned out? Quite a few people - including myself - are hurt, mindfucked, add to it a possibility of turning my whole life upside down. So I say - if you are asking this question here, if you are asking this question at all - that means that you have conscience and that means that you will get hurt eventually.

Think about it.

I agree with this. The only moral dilemmas I now have are the ones I have to choose between options that are equally bad, though in different respects, but I am forced to make a choice.

When a choice is between two bad options, deliberation makes sense. But if my choice is between engaging in some activity I might have some internal problems with, or feel uncomfortable, or have doubts about, and not engaging in it at all, I always choose not to. For example, I get drunk only when I really want to, with no regrets, and reasons be damned. When I find myself pausing and asking whether it is a good idea, it always means it is not a good idea. Otherwise I wouldn't have doubts.

 

[Dona.794]

^ those are good points.

Obviously the others involved are fine with it, but if you're having doubts, you should own up to yourself and figure out why. No-one can tell how you will feel afterwards. Some people benefit from a rebound, others need the time alone (even if they are lonely), figure out where you stand and you'll have your answer.

 

[Blothulfur]

Enjoy yoursen, stop thinking.

 

[GuyNwah]

Been there, done that, and don't ask for details. It turned out well for all concerned. I'll just say that sometimes sex without a relationship is a big confidence builder.

There is one thing you must expect: this is just for fun. What you must not expect is for this to be a replacement for the relationship you lost in your previous breakup. If the couple involved are swingers or polyamorous, they are still maintaining a committed relationship. If they are separated, they will more likely than not go back to each other.