Uh huh. Lemme tell you about Christmas (rated EC-10 for Emotional Content).
First, have kids. Plural.
Then, raise those kids for a quarter century. That's a lot of presents, egg nog and singing. And School Christmas Concerts. Shudder. And wrapping those presents at 2am when the kids finally pass out..only for them to wake you up at 4 or 5 am.
Take the fun of trying to figure out what your spouse/partner/best friend wants for Christmas and then multiply that 4 times (including said spouse). Then add stocking stuffers. Now wrap everything.
You do those things, you get back to me about Christmas spirit.
I still like Christmas - mostly the baking. But I have the Old Man Grumpiness that most of you haven't earned yet.
Bright side - I got to lie to my kids for years about Santa!
I once bought us another few years when some older kid told them he wasn't real and they told us we made it up.
I looked all three of them in the eye(s) and said, "You think I'd spend all that money over these years on extra gifts for you filth for some made-up story about a flying fat man?! Are you CRAZY?"
Heh heh heh. Even today they mutter ruefully how they told their friends that obviously there was a Santa Claus. And their friends believed them.
One of my proudest parenting moments, right up there with duct taping the lot of them and a half dozen of their pals from head to toe until they couldn't do more than hop and fall down. Comedy gold. I have a pic of that somewhere...
First, have kids. Plural.
Then, raise those kids for a quarter century. That's a lot of presents, egg nog and singing. And School Christmas Concerts. Shudder. And wrapping those presents at 2am when the kids finally pass out..only for them to wake you up at 4 or 5 am.
Take the fun of trying to figure out what your spouse/partner/best friend wants for Christmas and then multiply that 4 times (including said spouse). Then add stocking stuffers. Now wrap everything.
You do those things, you get back to me about Christmas spirit.
I still like Christmas - mostly the baking. But I have the Old Man Grumpiness that most of you haven't earned yet.
Bright side - I got to lie to my kids for years about Santa!
I once bought us another few years when some older kid told them he wasn't real and they told us we made it up.
I looked all three of them in the eye(s) and said, "You think I'd spend all that money over these years on extra gifts for you filth for some made-up story about a flying fat man?! Are you CRAZY?"
Heh heh heh. Even today they mutter ruefully how they told their friends that obviously there was a Santa Claus. And their friends believed them.
One of my proudest parenting moments, right up there with duct taping the lot of them and a half dozen of their pals from head to toe until they couldn't do more than hop and fall down. Comedy gold. I have a pic of that somewhere...
Last edited:
Well, that tops my story about how I offered some insurgents Christmas presents and tossed in grenades when they opened the door.
Ever since then, for some strange reason I'm always exempted from Secret Santa and gift exchanges.
Ever since then, for some strange reason I'm always exempted from Secret Santa and gift exchanges.
Well...that wasn't thought through very well at all, was it!?
Hm. Nah. Enjoy!
Heh-heh-heh. My parents never really tried to sell us the whole "Santa" thing. So, when I was in second grade, and the argument broke out, I said something like: "But the toy boxes say where they were made. It's obvious Santa isn't real." As the teacher sort of looked at me in horror, I added, "Neither is the Easter Bunny." I remember some of the kids started crying.
You should use that as your avatar picture. In the meanwhile, your head looks cold.
Santa definitely exists, because I've seem him many times. Multiple versions of him, to be exa- wait... :unsure:
That just means he can bend the space-time continuum and be in several places at once!
And look different everywhere? Drive multiple different cars on the same street? (Why would he drive a car in the first place?)
Does seem somewhat far-fetched. :unsure:
More like because he didn't realize the Easter Bunny was real, and accidentally turned it into a stew.
Sorry, Doubles, but it's actually true: Only the spirit, and the hat are real.
