A guy goes into a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde who waves at him and says hello. He's rather taken back because he doesn't recognize her and asked, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you are the father of one of my kids."
He panics, and thinks of the only time he was unfaistheful to his wife and says, "OMG!! Are you the stripper that was at my bachelor party that I put on the pool table while all of my buddies wotched and then you and your friend covered me in whip cream and licked it all off?"
The woman looks at him, eyes wide and responds, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
Nitpick.. actually a suppressor for an M109 artillery piece. Noise from repeated testing/training is an issue in firing ranges adjacent to populated areas in peacetime, and this is a highly practical answer to the problem.
In the forest the animals drank too much alcohol. And so there was a meeting of all animal of the forest. After a long time of discussions the animals of the forest decided that it should be forbidden to drink alcohol in the forest. The lion should pay attention that nobody drinks alcohol in the forest anymore.
Day one: The lion walks around in the forest and meets the drunken rabbit. The lion said: "Rabbit, you know, the animals of the forest have decided, it's now forbiden to drink alcohol in the forest." The rabbit says: "Oookaaay, lion. I'm going to remember this."
Day two: The lion walks around in the forest and doesn't meet the drunken rabbit again. He asked some other animals: "Have you seen the rabbit?" Everywhere is the answer: "No, we haven't seen him today." Then the lion walks to the warren of the rabbit and looks inside. There's the rabbit. He is drunken again. And the lion says: "Rabbit, you know, the animals of the forest have decided it's forbiden to drink alcohol in the forest. Next time I will meet you, I will eat you, if you are drunken again!" The rabbit says. "Oookaaay, lion. I'm going to remember this. I swear."
Day three: The lion walks around in the forest and doesn't meet the drunken rabbit again. The lion walks to the warren of the rabbit and looks inside. There's no rabbit. He asked some other animals: "Have you seen the rabbit?" They say: "Yes, near the lake." The lion walks to the lake. Nothing to see. After a while he realizes some air bubbles near a reed. He take the reed and pull it out of the water. The rabbit hangs on it. He is drunken again. And the lion says: "Rabbit, you know, the animals of the forest have decided it's forbiden to drink alcohol in the forest. Now I will eat you!" The rabbit smiles and says: "Shut uo, lion! We fishes in the lake aren't interested in the decisisions of the animals of the forest!"
I've done some sentence mixing in our favorite game and decided to mould the story in a way that let's me create a whole new, unrealistic setting whereby our main character is searching for something else entirely. I'll admit the humour isn't overly intelligent, but it was created with the purpose to make you all laugh. If you've seen "Gamer Poop" on YouTube already, then you'll recognise this kinda format. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCMeDPBOrhA
Two old guys were sitting on the porch relaxing when a convertible comes roaring by with college students partying, blasting the music, and having a good time.
The first old guy looks at the other and says, "That's disgraceful the way young people act these days. All they think about is Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll".
The second one looks back at the first and replies, "Yeah, in our day it was Wine, Women, and Song".