What did one Rotfiend say to the other while he lay on his death bed?
Nothing, he just exploded.
Nothing, he just exploded.
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He then takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then,"
... he said with a deep sigh ....
"Let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box"
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He then takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then,"
... he said with a deep sigh ....
"Let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box"
This one isn't "mine" but I thought it was worth sharing:
What do gorillas sleep on in fruit orchards?
And here's an original (although I bet it's been made before, somewhere, but I've just not seen):
What horses does a car enthusiast like the most?
What do gorillas sleep on in fruit orchards?
... apricots!
And here's an original (although I bet it's been made before, somewhere, but I've just not seen):
What horses does a car enthusiast like the most?
Mustangs!
Keep in mind how Yoda talks and put the emphasis on six. "Because six, seven eight (ate)."
I figured there was a reason Yoda said it... but it just didn't click. Would've gotten it if it had had that comma.
I wasn't sure if I got the joke, so I asked a german friend if this was funny, he answered "9".
I haven't posted lame jokes in quite a while, so here are a few.
What's a photographer's favourite food?
What car does a snake charmer drive?
How did the fish escape its aquarium?
How does Mario like his food?
You're welcome.
What's a photographer's favourite food?
Cheese!
What car does a snake charmer drive?
Dodge Viper.
How did the fish escape its aquarium?
It scaled a wall.
How does Mario like his food?
Piping hot.
You're welcome.
You and Riven are making me immune to puns. There was a time when I would have felt outright hatred toward puns of any sort. Now...now I am willing to allow them to exist. And the world is just that little bit more peaceful because of it.
_______________
A mother knocks on her daughter's door and open's it. The daughter is still lying in bed, her alarm clock sounding. The mother says, "Honey, you need to get up. You're going to be late for school."
The daughter rolls up in the covers. "I don't want to go today."
"That's not an option. Time to get up." The mother turns on the lights.
"Mom, please. You don't understand how horrible it is. The kids hate me. The teachers hate me. I can't do anything right. I just want to stay home."
The mother folds her arms. "It's not an option. You're the principal."
_______________
A mother knocks on her daughter's door and open's it. The daughter is still lying in bed, her alarm clock sounding. The mother says, "Honey, you need to get up. You're going to be late for school."
The daughter rolls up in the covers. "I don't want to go today."
"That's not an option. Time to get up." The mother turns on the lights.
"Mom, please. You don't understand how horrible it is. The kids hate me. The teachers hate me. I can't do anything right. I just want to stay home."
The mother folds her arms. "It's not an option. You're the principal."
Pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel attached to the front of his trousers and orders a drink.
Bartender says, you know theres a ship's wheel attached to your trousers?
Pirate says, arrrrr, its drivin me nuts.
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell bad.
Bartender says, you know theres a ship's wheel attached to your trousers?
Pirate says, arrrrr, its drivin me nuts.
Post automatically merged:
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell bad.