Found this at my workplace. 
It only makes sense if you know what Saint Patrick is said to have done, and what animal represents Slytherin.
A guy comes to a bar and he orders 3 gins. He drinks em all and leaves immediatly. He does that every week.
Next time he comes in, the bartender asks him "Why do you do that?'
"Well I've got a brother in Oslow and a brother in Schotland, we barely see each other so we drink in each other's honour'
Next time he comes in, he only orders 2 gins.
Bartender:"Oh no, did something happen to your brothers?"
"No. I quit drinking"
Next time he comes in, the bartender asks him "Why do you do that?'
"Well I've got a brother in Oslow and a brother in Schotland, we barely see each other so we drink in each other's honour'
Next time he comes in, he only orders 2 gins.
Bartender:"Oh no, did something happen to your brothers?"
"No. I quit drinking"
Three blond men were stranded on an island after crashing their boat. After being there for about a week, they found a dirty old lamp. They started to polish it and suddenly a genie appeared.
Genie: Thanks for releasing me from the lamp. I will give you three wishes as thanks.
One of the men: Do we get three wishes each?
Genie: Sorry, I can only give three wishes all in all, but you can share and get one each.
The men agreed on that and the first asked for being able to swim really fast.
Genie: Your wish has been granted.
The man who got his wish granted jumped into the water and began to swim, after some time he reached the shore and disappeared.
The second man asked for becoming a handyman and not long after he had build a raft and started sailing away from the island.
The third man thought for a moment and then asked the genie if he could wish for anything.
The genie confirmed it after which the man wished to become more intelligent than the first 2 men.
A flash of light and the man was transformed into a blonde woman who used the bridge to get to the shore.
Genie: Thanks for releasing me from the lamp. I will give you three wishes as thanks.
One of the men: Do we get three wishes each?
Genie: Sorry, I can only give three wishes all in all, but you can share and get one each.
The men agreed on that and the first asked for being able to swim really fast.
Genie: Your wish has been granted.
The man who got his wish granted jumped into the water and began to swim, after some time he reached the shore and disappeared.
The second man asked for becoming a handyman and not long after he had build a raft and started sailing away from the island.
The third man thought for a moment and then asked the genie if he could wish for anything.
The genie confirmed it after which the man wished to become more intelligent than the first 2 men.
A flash of light and the man was transformed into a blonde woman who used the bridge to get to the shore.
A science one (also from my workplace):
These men are well-known enough that I won't include an explanation.
These men are well-known enough that I won't include an explanation.
A moderator is talking with an existentional philosopher on TV.
The moderator asks: "Who's your best friend in life?"
The philosopher answers: "It's this book. I killed my colleague with it. He was my best friend."
The moderator falls into a shock and asks: "Oh my god! Why did you do that?!"
And the philosopher replies: "This book is my best friend."
The moderator asks: "Who's your best friend in life?"
The philosopher answers: "It's this book. I killed my colleague with it. He was my best friend."
The moderator falls into a shock and asks: "Oh my god! Why did you do that?!"
And the philosopher replies: "This book is my best friend."
That Hair Sketch Looks EXACTLY Like Him💀😂
The newsroom completely fell apart after this sketch 💀😂How is the drawing THIS accurate?!I swear the artist matched him a little TOO well…If this made you ...
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