That was the funniest thing I've seen all day. Awesome!TheSilver said:
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.Cute joke, Silver, but uh, the current Prime Minister of the UK is Gordon Brown.
Lol sure is. Who said these things had to be completely up to date. I'd have nothing funny to say if I stopped with the John Howard jokes, our PM's Kevin Rudd now actually grew up in the suburb down the road from where I am living. Weird that. How are the American elections going by the way, any hint of who's going to get it. I've tried to follow it and am really hoping Obama gets it over McCain, I've got a feeling McCain's too much like Bush. I must say I find it ridiculous how long US elections take I never knew 'til this one that it takes a year, I think ours take 3 months in total including the campaign ads, Most hated thing in my life are those pathetic ads. Well I am done ranting should call it a night.Corylea said:
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen."Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know, you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?". The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Double Post, yay Got a real nice now this time. A new version of 'Twas the night before Christmas!'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neatThe kids were both gone, and my wife was in heatThe doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hookIt was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy, and I in the nudeHad just hit the bedroom and reached for the lubeWhen out on the lawn there arose such a cry,That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf,Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore."That was some brothel," he said with a smile,"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,But his toys were all gone, and some new things werepacked.The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.A bra without nipples, a penis extension,And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,A dildo so long, it lay in a coil."This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."He filled every stocking and then took his leave,With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
Got a real nice now this time. A new version of 'Twas the night before Christmas!'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neatThe kids were both gone, and my wife was in heatThe doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hookIt was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.Momma in her teddy, and I in the nudeHad just hit the bedroom and reached for the lubeWhen out on the lawn there arose such a cry,That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.Up to the window I sprang like an elf,Tore back the shade while she played with herself.The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore."That was some brothel," he said with a smile,"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,But his toys were all gone, and some new things werepacked.The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.A bra without nipples, a penis extension,And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,A dildo so long, it lay in a coil."This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."He filled every stocking and then took his leave,With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"A Warhammer joke.An orc captain was marching his entire army to attack Karak Eight Peaks, they were passing an old abandoned city when they heard a voice within the ancient city's walls: "One Dwarf is better than ten orc soldiers!" The captain was enraged and immediatly sent ten of his best troops over the walls while the remainder of the company waited outside. Then came the sound of a terriffic fight going on, soon all was quiet. Then the voice spoke again: "One Dwarfen soldier is better than a hundred orc soldiers!" Well, the captain sent hundred of his best men over the walls. Soon came the sounds of fight and then silence. The voice spoke up again: "One Dwarfen soldier is better than a thousand orc soldiers!" The captain was furious. He immediately sent the remainder of his troops over the walls save only himself. There came the sound of a fierce battle, and then silence followed by the sound of a dwarf laughing. Finally, one lone orc stumbled back from the battle and collapsed at the captains feet. "Speak! What happened?" asked the captain. The soldier replied with his last breath. "It....was..a trap..there's...TWO...of...them...";DI finally a very funny and catchy song.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kwAll Weird Al songs kick ass. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsfVw9xxoNY&feature=related
Silver, you have now officially and permanently given up the right to tell the rest of us that we spend too much time thinking about sex.TheSilver said:
Oh why? It is not like I looked for it. I stumbled over if while looking for parodies of songs and poems.Not my fault, I just thought it would fit so perfectly with the rest of the forum :angel:Corylea said:Silver, you have now officially and permanently given up the right to tell the rest of us that we spend too much time thinking about sex.Corylea said:
Someone posted this link in another forum I'm on, and it's adorable.http://fc02.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf
Just found this today on a train simulator forum, but it's just so funny I had to share:http://www.maniacworld.com/being-followed-by-the-Verizon-guy.htmlBTW, for those not located in the USA, Verizon is a cell-phone provider, and they use the "That's my network." group to show off the fact that they've got tons of people making sure everything works. The head guy there is a nerdy-looking fellow that takes a few steps forward and says "Can you hear me now? Good!!", a few more steps, repeats, etc.Apparently this guy was totally not expecting this group to show up. ;D
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in.... P... E... N... I... S... His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: ***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***__________________________________________An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems."Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible" he says, "there is a 20 pound note lodged up here." Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a 10 pound note appears. "This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. What do you want me to do?""Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.... Finally the last note comes out and no more appear."Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's och batt er. How moch was in dare den?"The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "1,990 pounds, exactly.""Ah, dat'd be roit, says the Irishman. knew I wasn't quite feeling two grand.."A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad". With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter."Dear Dad,It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Lori and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad...She's pregnant. Lori said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many, more children. Lori has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Lori can get better, She deserves it. Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.Love,Your Son DanielPS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the Report card that's in my center desk drawer.I Love You. Call me when it's safe to come home."_______________________________________________11 Reasons Geeks can't sleep11. Not because of caffeine. Just can't stop thinking about coffee.10. Converting MP3 collection to OGG taking longer than you thought.9. Dorito crumbs on sheets cause unbearable itching.8. Borg costume needed redesigning because it just wasn't realistic enough.7. Had to keep checking the torrent to make sure it was still downloading.6. Too scared to sleep after watching "Hackers" and knowing they can make more movies like it.5. MMORPG withdrawal causing uncontrolable shaking.4. Removed your bed to make room for the server rack.3. Years of living underground have made your eyelids translucent.2. Watched special edition of Star Wars and still pissed off over Greedo shooting first.1. Had to sell bed to buy new graphics card.__________________________________________Oaky, this one's pure brilliance:The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so the chauffeur climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.The Pope proceeds to hop on Route 95 and starts accelerating to see what the limo could go. Well, he gets to about 90 miles per hour and,WHAM! There are the blue lights of our friendly State Police in his mirror.He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. Well, the trooper, seeing who it was, says "just a moment please I need to call in."The trooper radio's in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief "I've got a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do."The chief replies "Who is it, not Ted again ?"The trooper says, "No, even more important."The chief replies, "It's the Governor, isn't it ?"The trooper replies "No, even more important.""It isn't the President is it?""No, more important," replies the trooper."Well, WHO the HECK is it!", screams the chief."I don't know" says the trooper. "But he's got the Pope as a chauffeur!"
Okay, here is one of my favorite Comedians!Brian Regan-Stupid in Schoolhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxenUzZPFiQBrian Reagan - little leaguehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXLUncbZKbsBrian Regan - on working outhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSztExIa0ukBrian Regan - Donut Ladyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KBPtZI4t-M
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troub lesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Heh, that's funny For the geeks film fans among us:A furious light sabre duel is under way. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks round, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down. VADER: "Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father." LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!" VADER: "No! I am your father!" LUKE: "No, it's not true! It's impossible." VADER: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true." LUKE: "NO!" VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?" LUKE: "Threepio?" VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old." LUKE: "No." VADER: "Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp." LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!" VADER: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!" LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault." VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me! My father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday! Boo hoo! My daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith. Wahhh wahhh!'" LUKE: "Shut up." VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!" LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!" VADER: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor, 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!" * * * Luke looks down the shaft and takes a step toward it. VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know who you are. But you're certainly no relation to me." * * * Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him. VADER: "And get a haircut!"
For the Hmmm? Sorry, my limited understanding of English says your sentence is missing a few words. Or your message a few sentences. Or my head a few brain-cellsgamewidow said:
Do you mean Darth in this epic short story is like your dad? (you do have to apologise my slowness today. I blame lack of sleep).