The Joke Thread

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Two friends were out hunting in the woods on one of the guys land. The first guy, looking through his rifle's scope, says "hey I can see your house from here." Then he says "oh no, I can see your wife and she's cheating on you, with that guy Frank." Well the second guy, all upset now, says "Damn it I knew she was." He then says "Shoot her, shoot her in the head and shoot Frank in the balls, that will teach him." The First guys says "ok, oh yea I can do that with one bullet."
 
Joke question: what do you call a rotfiend with a wig? YOUR MOTHER

Joke answer:

Like this so Emhyr var Emreis, Deithwen Addan yn Carn aep Morvudd can see!
 
Speaking of lightbulbs, why are they still using incandescent bulbs in 2077?

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How many martial artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

8. 1 to put in the light bulb and 7 to bicker amongst one another telling "that's not how my sensei taught me!".

Marriage is like a grenade. Take the ring off and boom. Your house is gone.

Theres three rings in marriage

Engagement ring
Marriage ring
Suffering

A lady buys two parrots and they talk but all they say is "we're hoes" the lady talks to a priest to explain the situation and he doesn't like what he hears. But he talks about his parrots they are devout birds they can teach the other parrots to praise the Lord, so the next day she brings her parrots to the priests house and her parrots still say "we're hoes". One of the devout parrots looks at the other next to him and says "put down the Bible our prayers have been answered".

René Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "You wanna beer?" To which Descartes replies, "I think not." and vanishes.
 
What do you call it when an old-fashioned lumberjack cuts down the wrong tree?
An axident


Conversation between two orcas:
- I heard you visited the local coral reef last week. Did you like it?
- Sure did. It was so pretty... I had a whale of a time!
 
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were all having sex and they all died and went to Heaven and while all of them were standing at the pearly gates St. Peter says to the brunette... In order to get through these pearly gates I have to see your breasts. So the brunette opens her nightgown and there imprinted on her chest was a big 'C' and St. Peter asks what is that and the brunette says while she was having sex with her boyfriend he was wearing his letterman jacket and he went to the University of Chicago. St. Peter kinda chuckled and said OK you're good to go in, so the brunette entered into Heaven.

Next walks up the redhead and St. Peter says to her in order to go through these pearly gates I have to see your breasts. The redhead says OK and removes her nightgown and there imprinted on her chest was a big 'W' and St Peter says what is that? The redhead retorts while I was having sex with my boyfriend he was wearing his letterman jacket and he went to the University of Washington. St. Peter chuckled and said OK you can go in and so she walked through the gates and into Heaven.

The blonde then walks up and St. Peter says in order to go through these pearly gates and into heaven I have to see your breasts. The blonde acting all dingy says OK and removes her nightgown and there imprinted on her chest was a big 'W' and St. Peter just laughs and says... Don't tell me, you were having sex with your boyfriend and he was wearing his letterman jacket and he went to University of Washington... The blonde dingedly said, No he was from the University of Michigan! St. Peter laughed hysterically and said go, go, go, get out of my sight but don't trip over your chin on the way in.
 
So a cop pulls this guy over;
Cop: are you high?
Driver hello, am I what?
Cop: high
Driver: hello

I was visiting my daughter and asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century," she said, "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad." I gotta' tell ya....That fly never knew what hit him
 
Why did the rockerboy's output kick him outta the apartment?

'Cause he wasn't chippin' in!

Ah, Jackie... I miss you, choom.
 
Do you see that ninja comedian... He was telling some sword of joke.

Why do nobody like nosey peppers, cause they will get jalapeño business.
 
Not so much a joke as a silly poem I wrote while I was really, really high a few weeks ago:

Poor Lorne is forlorn,
For Lorne is lovelorn,
For Lorna.

I've posted and said that to friends; I'm so far the only one who finds it at all amusing. Ah, well...
 
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