The Joke Thread

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Wanna see a dumb joke?
*holds mirror at person reading this*
Ooooh! Gottem...

Wait... I'm technically reading this as I type it... Doh!
 
What do a photographer and a tyromancer have in common?
Cheese!

How did the trucker who hated his job feel after his truck got totaled?
Like he didn't have a car in the world.

What did the worn-out knitter think to himself?
"I'm yarning for a break."
 
One day, an 80-year-old man comes home and finds his 80-year-old wife doing a handstand, naked, against a wall.
Shocked, he asks, "What are you doing?"
She responds, "I know you can't get it up, but maybe you can get it down."
 
blonde drives up to a stop sign, her brunette friend sitting beside her
after a while the brunette inquires " why are we still sitting here"?
the blonde replies " I'm waiting for it to turn green !"
 
A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act.

“You’re going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket,” the game warden says.

“But, officer, I didn’t catch these. They’re my pet fish, and I just bring them here to swim. When they’re done, they jump back into the bucket.”

“Oh really? This I’ve got to see. If you can prove it, I’ll let you go.”

The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens. The game warden asks, “So where are the fish?”

The fisherman replies, “What fish?”
 
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