I just love this one and while it's not entirely a joke, hell, I had a good laugh anyway.Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "why do airplanes fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:1. If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. 2. If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."The student, Tim Graham, got the only A
I guess you didn't hear the implied phrase "when you guys were children, living at home with your parents and sibs," which is why I used the past tense.TheSilver said:
No, you were included under the mean and/or horrible categories. And you got included there for your "mission accomplished" comment. Don't tell ME you don't belong!TheSilver said:
Yes, dear; that was obvious.TheSilver said:
Unfortuantly I am still living with them, not somewhere on a Campus, but soon...A policeman had just finished his shift one night and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened tonight," he says. "In all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "What happened?" asks his wife. "I came across two fellas down by the water- front," says the cop. "One of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "What did you do?" asks his wife. "Oh that was easy. I charged one and let the other off."_________________________________________________"I've got the body of 30 year old!" "So, why are you telling me?" "I want you to help me dispose of it!"_________________________________A man and his friend walk into a restaurant and order a hamburger. The chef takes some ground beef and smashed it under his arm pit.. That man in utter disgust, says "what the hell is wrong with him"? His friend looks at him and says, "Wait till you see how he makes the doughnuts."_________________________________________________________________Now beware, this is really bad.A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?" "Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?" "Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"I warned ya'.
Oh, goodness, I didn't realize that you were only 17! My apologies for some comments that have been ... less than appropriate.TheSilver said:
Hahahaha, no need to apologize. There are events in life that make one more mature without the aging. I've been through too many of those. I'm fine, dudette.Quoting some collegues from my IA US History Class: 'Blessed art our Lady of Inappropriate Comments. Amen.'Corylea said:
I'm sorry to hear it! Most of those maturing experiences are rather unpleasant, while one is living through them.TheSilver said:
It happens, so there is nothing to be sorry about.A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. "How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died." "Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband." "He died of a broken neck." "A broken neck?" "He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."_____________________________There were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank. A few days later a kindly old woman saw Joe, and mistaking him for John. Said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible"Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said "Fact is, I'm sort of glad to get rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. Every time I used her the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time for the weekend. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow and were willing to pay. The fools all tried to get in her at the same time and split her right down the middle." The old woman fainted.
A scientist came into the arabic desert. He met a beduin riding on his camel. 20 feet behind the beduin's wife walked through the sand. The scientist asked, why the wife has to walk.It's an old tradition! was the answer.20 years later the scientist visits the desert again and accidential meets the beduin again. This time the wife walkes 20 feet in front.What has happend to your traditions? He wanted to know. You used to ride in front?That's true but the desert wasn't mined in those days!
The amnesia thread made me think of this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p629R-whGlM
@M.R. LOL remember that one 
That reminds me of a old Joke There was a Scotsman on the a hill yelling at a brigade of British troops.Saying that one Scotsman can beat ten British soldiers single handed Well the Captain of the bridge too a offense and sent up 10 of he best men up the hill to teach him a lesson they go up the hill there a lot of yelling and screaming and then nothing.The Scotsman pop up on top of the hill yelling and laughing say any scouts man can beat 20 British single handed Well ones more the captain send up 30 men this time and there was yelling screaming and then nothing One British soldier comes down all beaten and blooded and told his captain it a Trap! There are two of them up there !
That reminds me of a old Joke There was a Scotsman on the a hill yelling at a brigade of British troops.Saying that one Scotsman can beat ten British soldiers single handed Well the Captain of the bridge too a offense and sent up 10 of he best men up the hill to teach him a lesson they go up the hill there a lot of yelling and screaming and then nothing.The Scotsman pop up on top of the hill yelling and laughing say any scouts man can beat 20 British single handed Well ones more the captain send up 30 men this time and there was yelling screaming and then nothing One British soldier comes down all beaten and blooded and told his captain it a Trap! There are two of them up there !They sound like Witchers.Seeker said:
Oh, and Seeker? A "scout" and a "Scot" are very different things. ;DHi guys I hope non of what I say offends anyone but I have a tendency to rant a lot about the random thoughts that come to my head, normally ending in quite a funny manner.So anyway I am checking google as we speak and I have found that the Pope has just been to America to fight vows of sex abuse. Does this mean that Catholic Priests are actually saying the jokes everyone throws at them is true? I also found that terrorist actually planned a terrorist attack on the MCG for the 2005 AFL grand final, for those who don't know the AFL is one of the many football codes of Australia many of the Irish will probably know as a game quite similar to Gaelic football the difference is AFL is played on a round field because it was designed to keep cricket players fit in the off season.Go figure when planning a terrorist attack in Australia they go for a sports stadium there is more to us than sport people!!!Probably would have ended in another "War on 'Errorism". Phew that's scary. It's got me thinking about David Hicks the Australian arrested and detained for 3 years for having links to Al qaeda. He was arrested with Material assistance terrorism? What the hell is that it sounds like he designed the outfits or something. Queer eye for the Al qaeda guy. What's in this summer turbans and beards. Oh you're the bomb. oh you are a bomb. hehehe.I love this though, Hicksy must be a terrorist though because he met Osama Bin Laden 8 times. He met Osama Bin Laden 8 times, George bush can't find Osama, David Hicks can't get rid of him. 'Osama piss off. I've got shit to do today.' If we want to find Osama he's probably in Adelaide outside Terry Hicks' house. 'Hello can David come out to play. I am bored in the caves.' Once again I sure hope I didn't offend any Middle Easterns or anyone else for that matter with this, I know the large majority of you are great people but there's always the few idiots that ruin it for everyone and their the ones I am trying to offend. ;D.
@ Coryleaso you got me on a typo LOL at least you got the jock here is a veary old Joke 3 priest on on a train now being a long train ride they started talking about there sins The first one said ed well my grate sin is on weekend I love to go out drinking and and going out to strip clubs.The other priest said ed well sometimes on the weekend I love to go out and gamble with the church funds Now Both look at the 3rd priest and ask what your biggest Sin brother Well the 3rd priest looks up at them well I'm the biggest gossiper in town and I'm dieing to get of the train.
here is a veary old Joke 3 priest on on a train now being a long train ride they started talking about there sins The first one said ed well my grate sin is on weekend I love to go out drinking and and going out to strip clubs.The other priest said ed well sometimes on the weekend I love to go out and gamble with the church funds Now Both look at the 3rd priest and ask what your biggest Sin brother Well the 3rd priest looks up at them well I'm the biggest gossiper in town and I'm dieing to get of the train.I never get the jock; I always go after the geeks instead! (Sorry, but I couldn't resist.Seeker said:@ Coryleaso you got me on a typo LOL at least you got the jock
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*laugh* That's an old one but a good one! Thanks, Seeker.Seeker said:
Two men are drinking. The one says to the other: "I know that i 'm drunk, when i feel adorable and cannot pronounce it" by ARKAS.
About a year ago, maybe a little more, nearly all of my spam was weight-loss gimmicks. Nowadays, nearly all of my spam is penis-growing gimmicks.I guess I know where those people from a year ago lost the weight from.
OK .. i just got this from my pal through email (and she is *that* far from qualifying as a spam-bot herself!) -- so i imagine did half of North America:The next time you see a little old lady with shaky hands, you'll remember this story:A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk: 'Dddooo youuuu hhhavedddddiilllldosss?'The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: 'Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models.The old woman then asks: 'Dddddoooo yyyouuuu caarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss hthiickk... aaand rrunns by bbaatteries?The clerk responds, 'Yes we do.'She asks: 'Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offffff?'
*laugh* Very cute! I must not have the right friends, 'cause my inbox hasn't been spammed with this.gamewidow said:
Ohhhh... Blond Jokes and LAWYER jokes are quite popular here in the USA. ____________________A blond answered the phone at 2:30 a.m. Having been asleep, her voice was quite low when she asked, "Yes?"After a short pause, she angrily replied, "How should I know anything about that!? That's 200 miles from here!" and slammed the phone down onto the receiver.Her husband rolled over and asked, "Who was that?"To which she replied, "Some stupid woman asking if the coast is clear?"____________________Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?A: It depends on how thin you slice them.____________________
____________________A blond answered the phone at 2:30 a.m. Having been asleep, her voice was quite low when she asked, "Yes?"After a short pause, she angrily replied, "How should I know anything about that!? That's 200 miles from here!" and slammed the phone down onto the receiver.Her husband rolled over and asked, "Who was that?"To which she replied, "Some stupid woman asking if the coast is clear?"____________________Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?A: It depends on how thin you slice them.____________________I thought this was pretty funny, but that's because I am an anarchist! ;DPresident Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"The barman says, "Yep, that's them."So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour. What are you guys doing in here?"Bush says, "We're planning World War III."And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"