Truths For Mature Humans
Truths For Mature Humans1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Especially the porn bookmarks.2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.4. There is great need for a sarcasm font!5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighbourhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least ‘kind of’ tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after CD/DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.15. I think all freezers deserve a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewellers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. Also "Avoid Toll Roads, Avoid Major Highways & Avoid Interstates.” 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time - every time! 24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies...Quit Laughing.)25. Those women who laughed should remember that NOT ONE of the wonderful labour saving devices you have, from blenders, to dish-washers, to washer & dryers, to toasters, to electric stoves, to vacuum cleansers, to refrigerators & freezers, to coffee makers, to radios, to TVs, to computers, etc., etc., were invented by WOMEN……. NOT ONE!!!
Truths For Mature Humans1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Especially the porn bookmarks.2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.4. There is great need for a sarcasm font!5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighbourhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least ‘kind of’ tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after CD/DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.15. I think all freezers deserve a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewellers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. Also "Avoid Toll Roads, Avoid Major Highways & Avoid Interstates.” 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time - every time! 24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. (Ladies...Quit Laughing.)25. Those women who laughed should remember that NOT ONE of the wonderful labour saving devices you have, from blenders, to dish-washers, to washer & dryers, to toasters, to electric stoves, to vacuum cleansers, to refrigerators & freezers, to coffee makers, to radios, to TVs, to computers, etc., etc., were invented by WOMEN……. NOT ONE!!!
18. Bored+not hungry: Sitting down for homework after a meal Hungry+not bored: Staying locked in your room for days without food playing the latest gaming sensation.19. Depends on who is to benefit from the information exchange. If it is the listener (you), ask as many times as needed. If it's for the speaker's benefit, you may nod the very first time itself. If the beneficiary is uncertain, the international standard is 3 "What"s before the smile and nod.20. Will do. Thanks for supporting the cause.21. Statement is especially not true for people who suffer from partial/complete loss of sphincter control.22. That's usually the case if you saved up for months to buy the watch of your dream, and finally bought it, and now the dial/band draws your eye rather than the hands/display. Or the "looking at watch" might be an exercise to draw public attention to the Dream Chronometer.23. I broke a clock this month itself after pushing it off the table in my sleep( not the first time either). Thus, statement is not universal.24. That can be attributed to the male pride. A helmet can be seen publicly, and the wearer called a wuss. The guard can be worn discretely. It is only after many accidents over a period of 100 years that we got the "excuse" to wear helmets without our manhood coming under scrutiny by those content with sitting on the sidelines criticizing everything from the shape of the sun to the shape of their b*lls25. The statement, often dismissed as chauvinism, is factually *probably* true, though I doubt any any study has actually been conducted in this.