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Welcome to The Hairy Bear: The Witcher Off-Topic [Archived]

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Djembe

Senior user
#23,021
@AL890
I'm sorry to hear you've had it so rough... It may not be much consolation, but it seems to me from my own experience that people always go through good and bad periods in life, doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. Sometimes the bad periods aren't so rough and they don't last long at all, so you get too used to this experience... and sometimes they really test your metal. But things will always get better if you give it time. Somehow that's just the way of this world. I find the longer my bad periods are the more I really appreciate when things go back to being even slightly better. I hope this happens for you soon...
 
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Blothulfur

Mentor
#23,022
I hope life is better for you this year Al, i've heard from old mates that Ulster is still in a right state and jobs are bloody scarce, don't blame yourself that bankers in london have shit the economy down the tubes. Got to agree with you about the dole folk, had two weeks off at beginning of 2000, went in Job Centre and the fuckers talked to you like shit. Almost swung for one of the little bastards.

If I were you i'd try and get on a craft based college course, building, plumbing or something similar, or just get your CSCS card and do some labouring. Manual work is good for the body, and gives your mind a break from thinking too much. If you can get your PTS railway workers card that'd be even better, we earn crazy money for simple digging and shifting. Hard work but no complications. See if the dole office'll recommend you for a college college course learning a skill, I know the sour faced bastards'll be snot nosed about it but bother 'em.

Personally when I was at a low point in me life I did three things:
One, made a rota for meself, with getting up times, physical therapy and training, hobbies and leisure activities, contacting friends etcetera. This gave me some much needed structure.
Two, got mesen a dog, and threw meself into caring, rearing and training him. Damn good companionship and I was needed.
Three, walked fucking everywhere, covered more and more miles every day, exhausted meself and let my mind spin free.

This helped me when I was in a dark place, but i'm not you so I can only make suggestions. In words of Churchill though, keep on buggering on mate.
 
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Mataresa

Rookie
#23,023
You can pull through it! Next year will be better. :) In my case, my low point was reached 2 years ago (partly decided to stop just lurking this forum then), getting better every year. Has been a long road, but I am mostly good now again. Still some way to go, but can finally live normally for the most part. Just need to finally finish uni, get a few more friends and a new woman in my life. But all will come in time.
 
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Blothulfur

Mentor
#23,024
Why can't I give redpoints in my drinking den anymore?

I tell you what cheered me up today, the great big sherry soaked trifle I made for me and lads after dinner, thing of bloody beauty. Didn't even get round to Chritmas pud, too full.
 
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Djembe

Senior user
#23,025
I had some home made pecan pie today (my mother-in-law's) that put all other food I think I have ever eaten to shame. I am trying to keep from eating any more, and it's getting increasingly difficult.... She sent us home with a huge slice of it just sitting there staring at me....
 
Alan989

Alan989

Forum veteran
#23,029
I don't know what to say to you guys other than thank you. I've never had so many people wishing me the best before as all I've ever experienced is put-downs and shit being shoveled into my path causing me to stop. It's humbling so see so many great people after seeing so many dickheads in my life and never before having happiness.

Thank you all so much! If only we could all meet in person...
 
Alan989

Alan989

Forum veteran
#23,031
Mataresa said:
Yes, that would definitely help with 2 for me and maybe even 3, after all, we have some great women hear! (They must be, if they can bear us. ^^)
Click to expand...


If only it was easy mate, if only. Loneliness is the worst thing you can ever experience trust me, I know all too well.
 
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Tjerra

Rookie
#23,034
Foxtrot1994 said:
There are people who like it, actually.
Click to expand...

I'm one of those. There's a difference between loneliness and loneliness, although it's one word. There's this loneliness I like, being alone, just with the silence as my companion. And there's this dark loneliness I've experienced some years ago. When the silence surrounding you is getting more dangerous with every second, because it's trying to suffocate you.
 
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StaGiors

Forum veteran
#23,035
wichat said:
It's not the loneliness what hurts but inner void, and trust me @AL890, that's is the worst.
Click to expand...

I've thought about this for many years now and I have come to the same conclusion wichat. Loneliness I think, is a state that we ourselves create, due to the lack of direction in our lives. Or maybe the feeling of "going the wrong way".

Like Tjerra said, there's a difference between enjoying some time alone, and being lonely. Feeling lonely can be very tricky and weird. You can have many acquaintances or even friends, and talk to them every day, and still feel lonely.

I think that normally around the age of 20, people start thinking about who they are, and who they want to be. Most people are able to figure it out quickly. They are able to fit in and be guided by the society that they are a part of. I don't say this as a bad thing. I say it as a thing that just happens. I guess it is natural. Then there's the people who don't fit in. They feel like what they want to be, is not really following "the trends", so to speak. And then there's the people who can't decide as easy. They need more time to figure it out.

I'd say the latter two categories, are the ones more prone to feel lonely. Especially the ones who can't decide. This "inner void", as I understand it. The feeling that, the things that you like, and you think that you should pursue, have very little relation to the things that people you know and are friends with do. You can be social, but not really fit in. You can be a friend for many people, but feel like very few, if any, can be friends to you. I have personally struggled with this for quite some time, and I still do sometimes. These are the thoughts I have when I feel "lonely".

What I've found out though, and has already been said in the previous pages is this. If you can't decide, give yourself some time, but not much. Think on it, do not let it stand there on the side. Either way, you can not figure it all out instantly. You will be doing that along the way. Above all stay true to yourself. Then do what it is that you feel you must do. This will give you a sense of direction so strong, that your inner void won't be there no more. Instead you will have a "not-so-clear" picture of who you are and should be. And that is really something. Makes you so much stronger. Especially if you managed to deal with it completely alone.

I don't know if it's the right way or even the only way, but I feel like there's this one thing that can eventually get you there. And it's a trick of the mind. The belief that you can and will get there. And the knowledge that when you do get there, you will find people that think like you do and feel like you do, people who will give you a sense of meaning. I find this kind of ironic for me, as I am not religious at all. But I guess I am, so to speak. After all, isn't loneliness just a trick of the mind? The feeling that nobody else thinks like you do? That can't be true.
 
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Sana_mia

Forum veteran
#23,039
Guys really! Three things you never ever say to someone with depressions:

It could be worse. - Yeah STFU it could be a whole lot better
Look on the bright side. - in a depression there is no bright side
Only thing worse than those two is:
You must be so happy/You are so lucky because *stuff* - this is a typical trigger that can cause suicidal thoughts in a deep depression. because apparently you are supposed to be happy but you are definitely miserable.

Have scars from the time someone said all those within an hour to me.
 
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