Ok, this time some non-witcher stuff. From the short story *Golden Afternoon*. If i have time I might put my fav dialogue from Narrenturm later on.What can be worse than an idiot in a wood?If it's "nothing" you said, you were wrong. There is something worse than an idiot in a wood.It's a female idiot in a wood.Such idiot in a wood - attention please - can be recognised for the following: she can be heard from half a mile, she does a clumsy capriole after every three or four steps, she hums, speaks to herself, tries to kick cones on the ground and misses them all.And when she sees you lying peacefully on a limb of a tree she says: "Oh!" and then stares at you shamelessly."Oh", said the idiot rising her head and starring at me shamelessly, "Hello, cat."I smiled and the idiot, already ill pale, became even palier and folded her hands - to conceal their trembling."Good afternoon, mister kitten", she muttered and cursyed clumsily."Bonjour, ma fille", I said while still smiling. French, as you guess, was to confuse the idiot. I haven't decided what to do with her yet but I couldn't let the chance to have some fun. And confused female idiot is something very amusing."Ou est ma chatte?" squeked the idiot all of a sudden.As you have guessed, this wasn't a conversation. It was the first sentence from her French classbook. An interesting reaction nevertheless.I settled myself on the branch. Slowly, not to scare the idiot. As I mentioned, I haven't made my mind up yet. I wasn't afraid of Les Coeurs who usurped the right to exterminate guests and strongly objected when someone dared to help them out. Of course, being a cat, I naturally pissed on their exclusive rights. To be more precise, I pissed on all the rights. That made me get into small conflicts with Les Coeurs and their queen, the redhead Mab. I wasn't afraid of such conflicts. Just the opposite, I provoked them whenerver I desired. This time, however, I didn't really want it. Still, I settled myself on the branch. If it came to anything I wanted to get her with a bound as I didn't feel like chasing the idiot all around the wood."Never in my life", said the girl with a slightly quivering voice, "I have seen a smiling cat. In this manner."I moved my ear, meaning that didn't suprise me."I have a cat", she announced. "She's called Dina. What's your name?""You're the guest here, my dear lass. You should introduce yourself first.""I'm sorry", she cursyed and let her eyes down. It was a shame, for they were dark and very pretty - for a human. "It wasn't very kind indeed, I should first introduce myself. My name is Alice. Alice Liddell. I'm here because I entered a rabbit hole. I followed the white pink-eyed rabbit in a waistcoat. He had a watch in his pocket.Inca, I thought. Coherent, doesn't spit, no obsidian knife. Still, Inca."Have we been smoking weed, young lady?", I asked politely. "Have we been taking barbituratenees? Or maybe we've got stoned with amphetamine? Ma foi, they start early now, these kids.""I don't understand a word", she nodded her head. "I didn't get a word from what you were saying, cat. Not a wordee. Nor a wordee-dee."She was talking strange and dressed even stranger which I haven't noticed until now. Flared dress, piafore, rounded collar, short puffed sleeves, stockings... Goddamn right, stockings. And thong bootees. Fin de siecle, I mean it. Drugs and alcohol shouldn't be taken into consideration then. Uless of course this was a costume. She could have got to the Land right from a school performance, where she had played Little Miss Muffet sitting on sand along a spider. Or right from a party where juvenile troupe celebrated success of a performance with abundant supply of drugs. The latter was the most probable, I decided after consideration."What have we had, then?", I asked. "What substance let us achieve the altered state of mind? Which preparation had taken us to the never-never land? Or could it be we just drank warm gin and tonic?"Me?", she flushed. "I'm not drinking anything... I mean, just one, one little sip...maybe two...or three... But there was a label on the bottle saying "Drink Me". It couldn't harm me in any way."As if I was listening to Janis Joplin.""Excuse me?""Never mind.""You were supposed to tell me your name.""Chester. At your service.""Chester is the County town of Cheshire", she produly announced. "I learned that in the school recently. You're a Cheshire cat then! And how are you going to serve me? Are you going to do something pleasant for me?"I'm not going to do anything unpleasant", I smiled with a grin finally deciding I'll leave her at Mab's and Les Coeurs' disposal. "Take it as a service. Don't count on more. Goodbye.""Hmmm...", she hesitated. "All right, I'll go... But first... Tell me, what do you do on this tree?""I lay in the County town of Cheshire. Goodbye.""But...I don't know how to get out.""I only meant you should move away", I explained. "As for getting out it's futile, Alice Liddell. There is now way out of here.""I'm sorry?""There is no way out of here, silly. You should've checked the reverse of that bottle label.""It's not true."I wagged my tail which for us, cats, equates shrug."It's not true", she repeated cheekily. "I'll walk around and then return home. I have to. I go to school, I can't miss classes. Besides, mom would miss me. And Dina. Dina is my cat. Did I tell you? Goodbye, Cheshire cat. Would you be so kind and tell me where does this path lead? Who lives there?"Over there", I pointed with a slight movement of head, "lives Archibald Haigha, friends call him Archie. He's more insane than a march hare. That's why we call him March Hare. Over there lives Bertrand Russell Hatta who's as insane as a hatter. That's why we call him Hatter. Both, as you probably guessed, are mad."But I don't want to meet maniacs and madmen. ""We're all mad. I'm mad. You're mad.""Me? I'm not! Why do you say so?""If you wasn't mad", I explained quite bored, "you wouldn't have got here in the first place.""You talk riddles..." she said and her eyes suddenly became larger. "Hey...What's going on? Cheshire cat! Don't disappear! Don't disappear, please!""My dear child," I said gently. "I'm not disappearing, it's just your brain that stops working, it's not even capable of futher deliration. The functions cease. In other words..."I haven't finished. Somehow I didn't have the guts to finish. To tell her she's dying."I can see you again!," she shouted triumphantly. "You're here again. Don't do this any more. Don't disappear so suddenly. It's horrible. It makes me all dizzy.""I know.""I need to go. Goodbye, Cheshire cat.""Farewell, Alice Liddell."