While this would work, the problem with a structure like this in audience terms is that anyone who doesn't want a pure action game would likely drop the game before your version of act 1 was even halfway through. (So, given that I prioritise story, I would have given up on your version and likely never come back, not least because I don't personally find the Jackie setup remotely interesting at any deep level. Without a tease of what's coming, and a tease delivered quickly, it wouldn't feel like the right game for me.)CDPR could have nailed the game very differently.
Act 1. You start out rescuing Sandra Dorsett and get harassed by the scavs, but there is no lock-down of Watson. Jackie drives you home as he wants to borrow the car for a night out with Misty. You wake up the next morning, gets down to the foodstand and Jackie hands over the keys to the car, and you visit Vik for some new cyberware. The gameplay is that Jackie follows you around as you do the NCPD-quests, and the fixer-quests are opened up to you one by one (and not depending on your Street Cred). You won't see all of the yellow markers on the map, just one for each fixer, and all the blue icons for the NCPD-quests.
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Act 2 starts after you've completed at minimum 10 quests for each fixer (you can do all of them if you want to) + all of the NCPD-quests (mandatory). The act starts when you get contacted by Dexter DeShawn at the Afterlife (as it's open to you from the beginning, he simply spawns in at a couch there with his dog). The trigger for this to happen is to talk to Rogue, after you've done a couple of quests for her (minimum 2 quests), and you ask specifically if she has some 'serious paying' quests. She mentions Dexter DeShawn has returned and refer to him. You contact him, and he is actually looking for talent (yours truly). So, you visit him the day after you've talked to him. He'll spawns onto a couch in the Afterlife. The meeting is short (of course) as he only mentions the need for the Flathead-bot (not mentioning what it is for). You do "The Pick-up" meeting the Maelstrom-gang and optionally helping Meredith Stout or that other guy. The quests ends as you deploy the Flathead in the secure room in the Afterlife and have a talk with Dex. Now he asks if V is willing to do a misison for him that pays way better than getting the spiderbot. V says yes or no, different outcomes.
If yes, the quest-line continues with "The Information", if no, he reluctantly muses about hiring somebody else, and he'll stay in touch (he'll wait a week before calling V, and this time the quest goes straight to "The Information").
So, V meets Evelyn and has a talk with her, and the brain-dance quest is done.
(Jackie is following a set routine: daytime at the El Coyote, evening with Misty at her workplace then back to his own place in Heywood during night).
The final part of Act 2 is "The Heist", and we all know what happens.
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Act 3. V wakes up at the landfill and the player follows the various quests (trying to find Evelyn [the Judy-questline, trying to find Hellman [the Panam-questline], contacting Kerry when Johnny asks to 'borrow' your body [Kerry-questline+romance], when V is contacted by Peralez [River-questline].
You see what I did? I deploy all 4 romance-options at the same time. Of course Kerry's and River's questlines are a bit longer than what we got. In fact they should be just as well-written as Judy's and Panam's questlines.
So, we're following 4 different questlines at the same time, but for simplicity, Kerry and River are not main-characters, so their supporting roles should be interwoven in Judy's and Panam's questlines. In essence, you'll do Judy and Panam and get Kerry and River for free. Kerry could be interwoven with Judy's questline, while River is in a supporting role in Panam's quest. Could switch around if River is too good to get on the 'bad side' of MiliTech and crime in general. Kerry is a lot more 'fluid' when it comes to do 'illegal stuff'.
So the act ends after you've done both (or really, all 4 romance-options) questlines. Panam gets the Basilisk, while Judy takes a dive with V for the last time before she leaves Night City (or decide to stay with female V).
Act 4. V has gathered friend and allies, so it's time to get to Arasaka Tower and Mikoshi and fix the issue. The act consist of all the main endings, including the 'secret' (not so secret) ending.
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As you can see, I've changed how the player interact in Night City, V gets to go to all places and gather experience, weapons/armor, materials and eddies before taking on the serious gig with Dexter DeShawn. And the two male love-interests are woven into the main-plot as supporting characters.
I think that's partly the consequence of CP being slightly schizophrenic in trying to combine quite deep storytelling with a jump-in-jump-out action sensibility. If you're not careful, you will alienate one or the other type of player before the experience has really begun.