The Joke Thread

Found this message in a bottle and full of jokes, in a game:

The first and third I've seen before, and find them funny every time. The third joke was in one of my chemistry textbooks, even, complete with a comic (but it was a battlefield instead of a street; the atom was hit).
Easy-to-digest workplace mail etiquette tutorial:
These "90s tutorials" are excellent. YouTube recommended one of them to me some time ago, which is how I found them. :D

(Someone using 'affect' instead of 'effect', or vice versa, is something that often really annoys me when I see it, so this video appeals to me on an additional level. Would be even worse if they, like this boss, insisted they're right and I'm wrong.)
After 60 years of marriage, a man and his wife are getting on in years. They're sitting quietly in their living room when the man suddenly asks a question. "My dear, in all the years we've been married, have you ever been unfaithful?"

Without a second's hesitation, the woman says, "Oh, yes. Three times. But -- " she adds quickly, " -- they were always for a good cause."

The man simply feels too comfortable in the life they've built to be truly upset, but he is still annoyed by such a casual response. "Tell me about them, then."

"Well, the first time," the wife begins, "was right after we were married, when we bought that little house in the city. We just couldn't afford the mortgage payments. Remember how the bank sent us a foreclosure, then a few days later, the president of the bank himself sent us a letter saying that the loan had been extended?"

The man thinks, then nods. "I can forgive you that one. It was to save our home. What about the second?"

"The second one was when you needed that operation, and the insurance company would not cover it. Do you recall how the doctor just volunteered to perform it for free?"

Again, the man begins nodding, and he actually smiles a little. "My dear, you did it to save my life. How could I fault you for that? And the third time?"

"Well, the third -- do you remember how you so desperately wanted to be chairman of the country club, and you only needed 27 more votes?"
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