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The Joke Thread

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Daerdin.435

Max-Tac
#1
The Joke Thread

Do you know those short jokes? I'm sure you do. Why not make a collection of those in here.We can also invent some new ones with characters from the Witcher. The idea came when I saw this joke on the Polish side of the forum:Q: How many CD Projekt guys does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, as the bulb doesn't have 2GB RAM.
 

petra_silie

Ex-Moderator
#2
I know an other version of that joke:Q: How many (female) blonds does it take to change a light bulb?A: 6, one standing on a table who applys the bulb, 5 others who carry the table and circle around.Once there were many jokes about beautifull (but completely stupid) blonde women very popular overhere in Germany. I don't know if this was the case in other countries as well.
 

mobidoy

Max-Tac
#3
Today I was driving and was stop at a red light.I saw a blind guy with his dog coming my way.There was a phone boot (you know the little ones that you can stay in your car and make the call)The dog was waling right on it. What had to happen happened!The blind guy smashed his face on it!!I got out of my car and notice he was bleeding from his forehead.As I was near him, he started to pet his dog and he even gave him a cookieI was kind of shocked. So I ask him if he was ok, he answered he was.I asked him why, after his dog got him head first on the phone boot, he was petting it and giving it a cookie. To my surprised he replied "I need to know where his head is so i can kick his butt !!!"
 

tyranith

Tourist
#4
How does Bono change a light bulb?He holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.and yeah blonde jokes are a staple humour of the British public house ;)
 
#6
Q:How many mafia ppl does it take to change a light bulb?A:3...one changes the bulb....one covers his back and the last one terminates any witnesses---------------------------Q:How does Sam Fisher change his light bulb?A:.........*bones crackin* guess we will neva find out
 

username_2071599

NC Citizen
#7
Xhan said:
How many Koscheys does it take to change a lightbulb?Here, you take the lightbulb and find out.
This one deserves a hi 5, Xhan!Q: How many Squirrels does it take to change a light bulb?A: Not necessarily Squirrels, the Order can also do it, and, best of all, you can do it yourself.OK, that one was lame, but I know another one (that someone else came up with, hence it's better than mine):Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, real men aren't afraid of the dark.A2: We'll find out as soon as the football game's over.
 

petra_silie

Ex-Moderator
#8
You also can invent new jokes, you don't have to stick to the light bulb. Admittedly I don't have an other idea right now ^___^
Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, real men aren't afraid of the dark.
yeah ! ;D
 

planewalker

NC Citizen
#9
PetraSilie said:
Once there were many jokes about beautifull (but completely stupid) blonde women very popular overhere in Germany. I don't know if this was the case in other countries as well.
They're all the rage in Croatia as well. At least they used to be... Also about policemen, which are, according to the stereotype, equally stupid.
 

finster

Poser
#10
Blonde jokes were quite popular here in USA as well.Can remember oneWhy did the blonde have square breasts?Because she forget to take the tissues out of the box.
 

username_2071599

NC Citizen
#11
Finster said:
Blonde jokes were quite popular here in USA as well.Can remember oneWhy did the blonde have square breasts?Because she forget to take the tissues out of the box.
I like this one.Here's another one, in the same vein:- Why does the blonde walk around the bathtub?- Because she can't find the door.
 

starwolf

NC Citizen
#13
How many web developers does it take to change a lightbulb?Three. One to change the structure, one to update the style, and one to blog about the lack of standards and bulb compatability in today's socket manufacturers.OK, so its bad, but trust me, tell it in a roomful of web developers, and everybody is howling with laughter....How many witchers does it take to change a lightbulb?None, they just drink a potion.OK, I'll shut up.....
 

Daerdin.435

Max-Tac
#14
Starwolf said:
How many witchers does it take to change a lightbulb?None, they just drink a potion.
Good one!How many elves (classic ones, not Sapkowski ones) does it take to change a lightbulb?6 - one changes the bulb, one supports him spiritually, two cover their backs, one dies on principle and one sings about their heroic deeds.
 

username_2071599

NC Citizen
#15
Daerdin said:
How many elves (classic ones, not Sapkowski ones) does it take to change a lightbulb?6 - one changes the bulb, one supports him spiritually, two cover their backs, one dies on principle and one sings about their heroic deeds.
I'm pretty certain that Sapkowski's elves would fit in here as well, except that they would probably first steal the lightbulb from 'much less advanced' humans.
 

Daerdin.435

Max-Tac
#16
RykNiedwiedzia said:
RykNiedwiedzia said:
How many elves (classic ones, not Sapkowski ones) does it take to change a lightbulb?6 - one changes the bulb, one supports him spiritually, two cover their backs, one dies on principle and one sings about their heroic deeds.
I'm pretty certain that Sapkowski's elves would fit in here as well, except that they would probably first steal the lightbulb from 'much less advanced' humans.
Yeah, you're probably right. Elves are just elves! ;)
 

agilbert

Poser
#17
O.k. here's mine: There once was a man from nantucket,Who ...............Oh wait ! this was about blonde jokes,sorry...my bad
 

TheSilver

CyberPsycho
#18
Since I have not found a similar thread, I am going to open this. In the case that this already exists, I deeply apologize, for I have failed to find it.Whatever one does, be it playing games or working, a little humor is always needed. And this need should be satisfied, thus I have made this thread.Since this is a The Witcher Forum, I would suggest to keep the jokes in the general age group. For obvious reasons, somebody who has played The Witcher is at least 17+ (going by the American rating here) and therefore is fine here. Anybody here should be above that age.Oh and by the way, jokes have te goal of laughter, not offending. Please keep this in mind, it is not supossed to be offensive, if one feels it is.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. ''I think it's raining'', he said to his wife.''No, that felt more like snow to me'', she replied.''No, I'm sure it was just rain'', he said.Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing when they saw a communist party official walking toward them.''Let's not fight about it'', the man said, ''Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing''.As the official approached, the man said, ''Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?''''It's raining, of course'', he replied, and walked on.But the woman insisted: ''I know that felt like snow!''To which the man quietly replied: ''Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear''_______________________________________________________One day a man is riding the subway. He was the first one on so he waited for everyone else to board. He sees a teenage kid with multi colored hair, a mohawk and feather earrings in both ears. The man stares at the punk for a while until the boy finally shouts out to him "What are you looking at?!" The man then replies " About 17 years ago when I was in South America I got drunk, I then screwed a parrot and I thought you could be my son."_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Q: Why is American beer served cold?A: So you can distinguish it from urine.Please go ahead and post your own jokes and favorites.
 

Daerdin.435

Max-Tac
#20
Hope no one gets offended by those ;)American Jew and a Chinese are flying together in a plane.American Jew says - I hate Chinese people.Ch - Why?AJ - They attacked Pearl Harbour.Ch - Those were not Chinese, but Japanese guys!AJ - Japanese, Chinese... what a difference.Another hour passes and Chinese guy says - I hate JewsAJ - Why?Ch - They sank Titanic!AJ - What? It was an Iceberg!Ch - Iceberg, Goldberg.. what a difference.-------------------------------------------------------Euro 2008 is over, the police stops a car with a German, an Austrian, a Croatian and a Pole. All of them are drunk and have a blood alcohol level of 0.2 per cent. It appeared that the German drunk a couple of beers, the Austrian had two shot of schnapps, the Croatian drunk a bottle of rakija and the Pole... It turned out that the Pole hasn't been drinking for two days now.-------------------------------------------------------A man comes to see his dentist and says:- I have yellow teeth, what would you suggest?- I would suggest to wear a brown tie.