I can't really pick an option there... because I am of the feeling that "The right amount of handholding is the amount that each person feel they need and/or want"... So what works for me might not work for others.
What I can say though is that as long as they make most of it optional... and that the game is designed to work in any mode you wish to use... then I don't care what they do with it. That way the people who want no handholding can turn on/off the things they do/don't want, and the people who wants handholding can turn on/off the things they do/don't want.
And to get around the fact that a lot of people might be lazy, and/or don't explore things like option menues and such befor they start a game (like I do... I go through every single start menu option I can find to figure out what you can and can not do... including checking the keybindings if available... there are actually a surprising high number of people who are not actually lazy, but rather tend to not pay attention to things in the game, and sort of just miss these things and options because they don't explore the menues (start- as ingame-menus) befor they start playing)... anyway... to get around this... just make it part of each time you press "(Start) New Game".
Where you get a few option settings of how you want to start the game... like 3 options would suffice. "No help", "Some help", and "Full help", where each have a smaller explanation what they do... and then maybe even add a 4th icon which says "Advanced options" next to/under those three options, where if you choice it you can your self pick and choice exactly what you want to have and not. A 5th icon to tick could then be "Ironman mode". And that would be it.
Press start new game, choose between 1 of 3 handheld options, or choose the advanced options to have full controle over these things, and then finally choose if your going to tick ironman mode or not, and then you press "Start game"... that would be it.