I wish I was a glowworm,
A glowworm's never glum.
'Cause why would you be sad
When the sun shines out your bum?
A glowworm's never glum.
'Cause why would you be sad
When the sun shines out your bum?
Joke:
Q: What do you call a person that doesn't fart in public?
A: a PRIVATE TUTOR.
Read Funny Fart Jokes
Q: What do you call a person that doesn't fart in public?
A: a PRIVATE TUTOR.
Read Funny Fart Jokes
Wanna hear a limerick?
A wraith did go bump in the night,
It filled the whole village with fright.
Yet the witcher was wise,
With a grin he surmised
That the "wraith" was the alderman's wife!
A wraith did go bump in the night,
It filled the whole village with fright.
Yet the witcher was wise,
With a grin he surmised
That the "wraith" was the alderman's wife!
There once was a Lady of fame
Whose ageless beauty would never wane.
Upon asking for praise,
The witcher did gaze
And said "Your ass puts others to shame."
Whose ageless beauty would never wane.
Upon asking for praise,
The witcher did gaze
And said "Your ass puts others to shame."
Ach, we'll have to work on your rhymes, @DoubleDealer, but you've a flare for the content.
I guess the second line would've sounded better if it was something like "Whose ageless beauty time could not tame." but I'm not going to change it now.
The first joke I ever learned as a child (more of riddle than a joke) was .. "What's big and red and eats rocks?" "A big red rock eater." It's incredibly absurd and has never left my brain.. Just rattles around in there and is the first thing I think of when people start telling jokes or ask for jokes.
a man walks into a psychologist office " Doctor Doctor! I work in a pickle factory and I have this over whelming desire too stick my prick in the pickle cutter!" the Doctor thinking that this might be some new from of psychosis says " ok I want you to take a week of work then go back for one day then come back here and tell me if your feelings have changed." a week and a day go by and the man comes too the psychologist office. "Doctor Doctor I did as you asked, I took the week off and went to work the next day but I could not help my self and I stuck my prick in the pickle cutter and I got Fired!" the doctor blinked incredulously " You got fired! ... that's it nothing else happened?" the man then shrugs " oh well the Pickle cutter she got fired too!"
Late -- and slightly defective -- limerick:
A famed witcher of Rivia
studied all monstrous trivia;
though he'd read every book,
some drowners at a brook
still cost him a fractured tibia.
A famed witcher of Rivia
studied all monstrous trivia;
though he'd read every book,
some drowners at a brook
still cost him a fractured tibia.
A woman started feeling a bit insecure as she reached her 40's and noticed that her breasts were beginning to sag. Speaking with some of her friends, she made it clear she wouldn't consider plastic surgery but just wished that she could do...something. One of her friends recommended a doctor and told her to schedule an appointment. He had amazing, non-surgical treatments for things like this, and the first consultation was free. Feeling she had nothing to lose, the woman made the call.
When she arrived in the office, the doctor asked her the usual medical questions, and she explained her situation. He nodded, saying he understood completely, and agreed that surgery was not a good option. His treatments, he then explained, were a bit unorthodox. "Every day, at least three times, simply massage your breasts in concentric circles and speak the following rhyme: "Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and if I do this thrice per day, my breasts are sure to grow." The woman left the office more than a little skeptical.
On the way home, she was sitting alone in the rear of the bus, and couldn't help her curiosity. So, very inconspicuously, she started massaging her breasts under her coat and whispered: "Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and if I do this thrice per day, my breasts are sure to grow."
A man a few seats in front of her unexpectedly turned around and asked: "Dr. Folman, on the corner of 24th and Park Ave.?"
The woman, surprised and mollified, responded, "I...well...yes. How in the world did you know that?"
The man made an obscene gesture with his hand and said, "Hickory dickory dock..."
When she arrived in the office, the doctor asked her the usual medical questions, and she explained her situation. He nodded, saying he understood completely, and agreed that surgery was not a good option. His treatments, he then explained, were a bit unorthodox. "Every day, at least three times, simply massage your breasts in concentric circles and speak the following rhyme: "Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and if I do this thrice per day, my breasts are sure to grow." The woman left the office more than a little skeptical.
On the way home, she was sitting alone in the rear of the bus, and couldn't help her curiosity. So, very inconspicuously, she started massaging her breasts under her coat and whispered: "Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, and if I do this thrice per day, my breasts are sure to grow."
A man a few seats in front of her unexpectedly turned around and asked: "Dr. Folman, on the corner of 24th and Park Ave.?"
The woman, surprised and mollified, responded, "I...well...yes. How in the world did you know that?"
The man made an obscene gesture with his hand and said, "Hickory dickory dock..."
I know an other version of that joke:Q: How many (female) blonds does it take to change a light bulb?A: 6, one standing on a table who applys the bulb, 5 others who carry the table and circle around.Once there were many jokes about beautifull (but completely stupid) blonde women very popular overhere in Germany. I don't know if this was the case in other countries as well.
Portugal is the same, jokes about blondes are common.
Edit: Sorry where are my manners. Here's an old Johnny joke.
Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, “What are you doing, Dad?”
His father quickly replies, “I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed.”
Little Johnny replies, “What are you gonna do -- screw him?”
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